Some people like Christmas, others enjoy Thanksgiving but as far as I am concerned the 4th of July is the cream of the crop as far as holidays go.
Top 5 reasons why...
5. Nathan's Hotdog Eating Contest
Equal parts depressing and fun. If aliens came to earth and saw this they would think we were a nation of retarded people. Sure it’s disgusting but it’s damn impressive to see someone eat 70 hotdogs and buns in about 10 minutes time. Just the thought of fitting all that in your stomach is baffling to me. I got drunk and ate two Mcdoubles, two spicy McChickens, a 10 piece nugget and a medium fry over the course of about four hours last night and I am still feeling the effects of it.
4. Summer
It’s the most uplifting of the seasons especially if you live somewhere with rough winters and the fourth of July is the peak of summer and the peak of the beautiful weather. There’s nothing like a beautiful summer night.
3. Cookouts
Beer, food, and games. The tailgating experience from the safety of your back yard.
2. Fireworks
I feel like fireworks should be ‘fucked out’ by now, given the whole internet thing, but people go ape shit over fireworks. Everyone loves seeing a nice fireworks show. Last night I was out on a boat and saw about 35 different ones at the same time... it was the tits. American’s love things that go boom and light up the sky.
1. It’s why the terrorists hate us
Today is a day to celebrate why we are better than those scumbags. We will stuff our collective fat faces while drinking out in the sun and blowing shit up. Unlike them we do it in a celebratory fashion, it’s all in good fun. Hate us all you want, today we are going to get fat, be lazy, and probably watch the movie “Independence Day” aka we will probably make stupid decisions.
God Bless America.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
