Why do we put ourselves through this shit every year? Year after year the holiday season sneaks up on us as we try and hold on to the nice weather as long as possible. Then when it’s time to buy people gifts our brains start to explode. We have all seen the crazed animals attacking each other on Black Friday but even those of us who are sane enough to not go near a mall the day after Thanksgiving stress ourselves out trying to figure out what to get everyone. Then in the end Christmas never lives up to the hype anyway.

 

If you are one of those people with a list of people and what you are going to get them go fuck yourself. I hate you right now. Also get some new friends because the people you are shopping for are too easy, too boring, and most likely too full of themselves. If that’s not the case then it’s your gifts that are lacking creativity and a little heart.

I feel like everyone has at least one person on your list that says “I don’t know… nothing.” when you ask what they want? Maybe it’s because I personally am that way so I have surrounded myself with like minded people. If you are at all like me you do the online equivalent of wandering around the mall for eight hours before leaving after purchasing nothing but a tin of dip or a pack of butts and a bottle of vodka. I have tried zoning in on one person at a time and thinking about what they could use or might want and I end up looking at everything but not buying anything. Nothing ever seems to fit. It’s like building a puzzle only to realize the final piece is missing. Even when I find something that would work for them it always ends up costing about half of my total budget or it’s the knockoff version or is an older model.

This is the time of year I really envy the people that care about themselves so much that they will just pick out something quickly just to get it over with. If I were buying myself gifts I would do just that but buying other people cheap shit doesn’t make them feel good. I know I won’t end up finding the perfect gift for everyone on my list but I also don’t want to just settle for something lame. That feeling and the stress that comes with it is why Christmas shopping is a piece of shit.

PS. I feel like this has been all over the place kind of like my brain right now trying to find something for everyone. If you are doing any shopping on Amazon please just click through the Amazon banner at the top of the page before you buy something. It won’t cost you anything extra but they will kick us a few sheckles. So please don’t stab anyone and don’t blow your own brains out. Good luck with your shopping. Have a happy holiday season and a Merry Christmas.

mlz

Saturday, December 14, 2013